Dear Birthday Girl Mary,
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!?! Against my better judgment, I bought you cupcakes yesterday (since I was at Buttercup Bakery anyway, I thought I’d save myself a trip). Except that you’re still sick and in Connecticut when you were supposed to come back to New York, and the ten cupcakes I bought for you is now four.
In case you’re having trouble comprehending what I’m trying to tell you, let me spell it out: I ATE SIX OF YOUR BIRTHDAY CUPCAKES IN THE LAST 12 HOURS.
In other words, you suck. You suck suck suck suck suckity suck. Now will you PLEASE DEAR GOD GET WELL so I can stop getting fat on your account?
your sugar-crazed friend,
What a good friend! She knows I can’t work off all of the calories while laid up in bed so she’s eating all of the cupcakes for me. Thanks Julia.
My abs and ass