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I’m crying

November 18th, 2009 No Comments

first of all, this is not a pity post.  you have no reason to feel bad for me.

you can all relate to the feelings I’m having because you’ve all had them at some point.

we are all vulnerable, despite our success, despite what people see, despite what others think, there is always something (actually many things) that comes out and just makes you cry.

here’s the part that really upsets me….

i’ve apparently set up my blog to be a place where I can no longer tell you about it.

i’m scared to be criticized for my vulnerability. i’m scared that the fact I have REAL feelings will make me seem unprofessional. i hate, HATE,  you feel the need to criticize me for my choices.  they are mine.

when I started blogging, all I wanted to do was share my experiences.  not as an expert, as a person.  a person who has an opinion.

i’ve been honest about my life, and that in turn has garnered a loyal audience as well as more negativety than I ever expected.  i’ve learned a lot from your comments and evolved as person.  i am grateful you have taken the time to offer your feedback.

at the end of the day, i’m still here.  me, mary, the person.  a woman navigating through the challenges of life.  that puts us all on the same playing field.

i guess that means I should “phone a friend,” but i think i need this time of sadness hour of streaming tears for reflection.

but damn it, who wants to that alone.

what I’m actually trying to say here is I’m thinking about my life right now, listening to songs I know will probe deeper than I want to go, and feel like blogging about them all.

but i’m not at the place i can do that yet.

so this blog is going to change.

there will be more of me in my writing.  posts will still promote the things I love, but i want it to be more natural.  something i enjoy writing, and hopefully you enjoy reading.

and hopefully one day soon, I’ll feel comfortable telling you why I’m crying.

honestly, i feel better already.