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January 2nd, 2013 No Comments

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In the past, I’ve always said, “I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because I try to keep improving myself on a daily basis.” I also think lofty or concrete goals set people up for failure when instead of recognizing their effort as a victory/step in the right direction. As you read in this post, that is proven to be destructive by studies done using a Stoic philosophy.

I digress. What I’m trying to say is that I’m making resolutions this year. Mostly for one reason: I need to bring these things to the forefront of my life and continually work on them. And…I need the hope of change. As my dad always says, “people won’t change until what they’re doing hurts them in some way.” The tireless efforts I put out into the world in 2012 didn’t yeild anything I’m proud of. Any accomplishments, I should say. That hurts. While I thought I was working so hard for others (family and clients), I wasn’t actually listening to what THEY wanted so it was all in vain. This notion of doing good for others they aren’t receptive to I discovered while reading about Imago philosophy (started Dr. Harville Hendrix in the 1970’s). In order to help others, we have to listen to their needs first.

When I went home for Christmas, I went to my church Ecclesia and listened to my Pastor Chis Seay give a sermon about what the holiday giving really means. He said in order to make a difference, we have to humble ourselves and realize our effort is for the greater good. Take for example donating to a charity that works overseas. We never see the people the money helps, but we know that by giving it we are doing something good. So I used this principle in my own life and realized I have not lived a year of humility. I was so concerned in giving and getting recognition (in some way shape or form) so that I could feel satisfied to know those people knew I cared. (Did you follow that?) But, the point is, I’m not the one who should be satisfied, especially if I’m doing something for someone else.

Now, many people would say I’m being too hard on myself. Which brings me to my second resolution. I need to stop being so hard on myself. For as long as I can remember, I have been a perfectionist. Such a destructive mindset. In my mid twenties, I learned to relax; I learned to not stress out about things I can’t control; I learned I didn’t need to control everyone else. I’m not sure how or when I became so uptight again. So this year I’m letting go. In fact, I think I’m going to paint a big sign that says GRACE and put it in our bedroom. It might not be pretty, but I know my boyfriend will appreciate it :)

My whole life I have always been complimented for being thoughtful and criticized for being impatient. Complimented for being intelligent and criticized for being critical. I’ve never been called judgmental, I believe for 2 reasons: no matter how critical I am I never condemn people, and I always strive to enrich people’s lives in any way I can. Somewhere in there is grace, I know I have it for myself and others.

So my resolutions: Humility and Grace. Here’s to the hope of change.

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