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Content and confused. That’s just won’t fly.

June 4th, 2014 1 Comment



Two things happened yesterday:

  1. A longtime reader recognized Mason and I in Toluca Lake.
  2. Leven and I caught up on her return to NYC after settling in with the love of her life.

Seemingly, these two occurrences have nothing in common.  For me, after only a couple minutes of reflection, they were like headlights pointing straight into my soul.

Barbara, the reader, said she has been a fan of MTM for a long time and makes my recipes often (the granola protein bars specifically).  I apologized for not blogging as much lately to which she acknowledged my absence.  My heart sank at that moment…It’s a funny thing about a blog, sometimes you feel like you’re sharing experiences with everybody and other times you feel like you’re typing a journal for yourself.  These days I have to be honest, I don’t feel like I have a lot of exciting things to write about…And maybe that’s the point: why don’t I find my life exciting?  Thankfully, I can answer this question: I miss traveling and exploring new places.  However, I’m grateful for the beautiful life I do have at home and should find joy and satisfaction in sharing my simplicities.

Leven, has all of a sudden moved back to New York to be with the love of her life, Jim, an actor.  In your 20’s, life is about living on a whim and I couldn’t be happier she can do that.  When she spoke about Jim, she glowed and giggled but also showed her serious side.  When she articulates her concerns, she’s passionate and decisive in a very mature and practical way.  That’s how I know she’s truly in love with him.  And from what I can tell by his Facebook page, the feeling is mutual.  My heart sank for the second time.

I feel like these encounters should light a fire in my heart not extinguish any flame that was there.

Opportunities for “more” exist on every front in my life.  There are so many I think I’m confused about what to grab??  I wouldn’t say I feel defeated, I would say I feel like I don’t know exactly what is going to make me “happy.”

So that’s where I am….neither here nor there.  Content and confused.  Trying to figure it all out…..and when I look back and reflect on my behavior and choices, I see that I’m not saying “yes” or “no.”  Instead I’m just working in the moment.  For a type A, strong-willed, passionate woman, that just won’t fly.



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